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United We Stand, Divided We Can't Stand Each Other

May 29, 2000

"What is it about people that makes some so easy to relate to, and others so difficult to deal with?  How is it possible that you can get along with one and get into conflict with the others?  The answer to these questions is that United We Stand, Divided We Can't Stand Each Other.  Conflict occurs when the emphasis in a relationship is on the differences between people.  The more divided you seem to be, the sooner you will fall.

You get along better with people when the emphasis is on the similarities between you.  The difference between conflict with a friend and conflict with a difficult person, is that with a friend the conflict is tempered by the common ground you share.  Success in communication depends on finding common ground before attempting to redirect the interaction toward a new outcome.  Obviously, reducing differences is essential to your success in dealing with people you can't stand (Brinkman & Krschner, 1994, p. 38)."

Reference: Brinkmam, R. & Kirschner, R. (1994).  Dealing with people you can't stand: how to bring out the best in people at their worst.
New York: McGraw-Hill, Inc.

When dealing with a difficult person, do you look for the similarities you have with them?

Dealing With People You Can't Stand is available on loan from the OSU Leadership Center.  A complete listing of all the Leadership Center's resources is available on our website www.ag.ohio-state.edu/~leaders

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Created: 2009-01-02, Updated: 2009-01-12