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How to Offer A Meaningful Apology

March 7, 2001

"We've all said things we regret, words we'd take back if we could - but we can't.  Sometimes an apology is the only way to smooth things over, but apologies can feel awkward and uncomfortable for both people.  When you need to say 'I'm sorry,' do it effectively with this advice:

* Deal with the situation quickly.  Once you realize you've offended someone, you need to repair the damage as soon as you can - within 24 hours, if possible.
* Ask for permission to talk.  You've made a mistake, but now you want to show that you're capable of diplomacy and tact.  Don't simply barge in and dump the subject on the other person.  Ask, 'Is this a good time to talk?'  If the answer is negative, ask when a better time might be.
* Express yourself specifically and sincerely.  Be sure to explain what you're apologizing for.  'Yesterday during our meeting I said some things that were out of line.  I want to let you know that I am sorry for making those remarks.
* Follow up.  In an attempt to end an awkward situation quickly, the other person might be tempted to brush the whole incident off.  But don't let it drop too easily, or the other person may think you were just being polite and not sincere.
* Promise to act appropriately in the future.  Your apology will be empty if the person expects you to repeat your actions (1999, Positive Leadership, p.3)."

How to offer an apology that's meaningful. (1999,December). Positive Leadership, vol. 3,4. 

Do you offer a meaningful apology?

A complete listing of all the Leadership Center's resources is available on our website www.ag.ohio-state.edu/~leaders

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Created: 2009-01-02, Updated: 2009-01-15