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Control the Way You React to People

July 15, 2003

"These four suggestions should help you to stay calm and in control when you are confronted by a potentially irritating experience.

1. Zip the lip.
This means that you shouldn't speak until you've weighed the situation very carefully.  When you're feeling upset, you tend to say things that you regret at a later time.  Too often you become defensive and fire back a message that only makes the other person more nervous and anxious.  Remember that positive statements to your cohorts should underlie all of your interactions.
 
2. Take some deep breaths and relax.
The onset of emotional disturbances causes our bodies to tense up.  For many years, stress management experts have been aware of ther benefits of deep breathing.  A few breaths can release a considerable amount of tension and enable you to respond far more favorable to a hit.

3. Think a peaceful thought.
Think about how good it feels to be on the peaceful path, and tell yourself that you would prefer to stay on it rather than fall off.  This means trying to see the great gifts, talents and potential of others.  Consider the bigger world around you  with its magnificent wonders and opportunities.

4. Decide what kind of response is necessary.
Sometimes no response is required.  Simply forgive the other person and turn the other cheek.  Try to be helpful rather than confrontational.  Be willing to forget and leave the ill feelings behind (Stephan, 2002, p. 106)."

Reference:  Stephan, E. G. (2002).  Powerful leadership: how to unleash the potential in others and simplify your own life.  Upper Saddle, NJ:  Financial Times Prentice Hall Books.

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Powerful Leadership is available on loan from the Ohio State University Leadership Center.  A complete listing of all the Leadership Center's resources is available on our website http://leadershipcenter.osu.edu/

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Created: 2008-12-22, Updated: 2009-01-09