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“Imagine you’re in an important meeting. You feel comfortable, well-informed, creative and collaborative. Suddenly someone across the table from you says something, and for no apparent reason a strong electrical shock surges up through the table and right into your body. It sends such a jolt through your body that you lose your train of thought and start sweating. Then, as you start to get angry, you realize that nobody else at the table seemed to feel this jolt of electricity.

You don’t say anything about it, but just when you start to regain your composure, someone raises the same subject that caused the earlier jolt, and, sure enough, you get another jolt of electricity. Now you’re not just shocked, you’re really mad. You may even start yelling at the other people, accusing them of shocking you. Now, of course, the other people at the table, who have no idea about the jolt of electricity, are all looking at you as if you’re from another planet. They may not say it out loud, but everyone is probably thinking that you’ve gone a little crazy and that you’re overreacting to what was said.

You don’t feel that you’re overreacting, however, because through their words, ideas, tone of voice, or maybe body language, someone is shocking your system just as though they had their hand on a button with your name on it. That person has said or done something pushes a tender and vulnerable spot deep inside you. It’s a spot that can cause you pain or fear or other uncomfortable feelings whenever it’s touched or exposed. It typically also triggers a strong defensive reaction from when you’re reminded of that spot. That is what we mean by the phrase getting your hot button pushed.

One of the tricky things, is that you’re probably not even conscious that a button is being pushed or that you’re having a reaction that may seem unreasonable or out of proportion to others. People are often not aware of their own hot buttons, so they act unconsciously and sometimes irrationally when those buttons get pushed. Getting their hot buttons pushed makes people horribly ineffective in relationships or in problem solving (p. 158-159).”

From: Tamm, J.W., & Luyet, R.J. (2019). Radical collaboration: five essential skills to overcome defensiveness and build successful relationships. 2nd edition (e-book). New York: Harper Business.

Questions for reflection:

  • Do you know of any of your own hot buttons?

  • What's your first reaction to having your hot button pushed? What can you do change it?

  • How can understanding hot buttons help you when working with a team?

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“Have you ever had a boss you believed really cared about you? How did it make you feel? Didn’t you work harder for that person?

  • Demonstrating authentic caring does not mean a leader isn’t tough or demanding – just that they really care. And from your own experiences, you can see how that authenticity tends to inspire loyalty and investment. So now how can you as a leader show you care?
  • Listen. Leverage an empathetic strategy by listening more and talking less.
  • Recognize. Give employees a thank-you in front of their coworkers or give them a small token or gift card to provide recognition of their hard work.
  • Remember. Ask about individuals’ personal lives and remember what they say in order to follow up again later.
  • Be real. Provide kind but honest feedback to employees.
  • Be transparent. People can tell when they are not receiving the whole picture. Trust the team and help them understand the bigger picture (p. 122-123).”

From: Kuhn, T. & Frick, N. (2023). The e suite: empathetic leadership for the next generation of executives. (e-book). Austin: Greenleaf Book Group Press.

Questions for reflection:

  • What additional ways can you show your team that you care? 
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When it comes to Next Level Leadership, we must be willing to be critical of ourselves and the roles that we play within our organizations and communities.  

What Character Will You Play? 

Our life is episodic in a way. I think most people can describe these episodes as phases, seasons, life stages, etc. What I’ve personally noticed is how my character has changed dramatically depending on the season and context around the season. Compare the character you played in high school and to who you are now. What fostered a change? Was it simply the fact that we got older? Yes, but not just because we got older, but because as we get older, our context changes. I’m not a moody teenager anymore (well, most times), partially because I’ve got a career to grow and bills to pay. I simply don’t have the opportunity to play that character anymore, even if I wanted to. Regardless, what I’m trying to demonstrate is that as leaders our character can, will, and must change depending on our context.  

Let’s put this into a work perspective. Imagine that you’re an agriscience educator in a high school classroom. In front of the students, you are in a position of leadership which surely influences the role that you play in other people's lives and how others perceive your character. Nevertheless, even if you play a role of authority in front of students, there is an implied assumption that you must play the role of a subordinate when speaking with the School District Superintendent. Why did your character have to change in those two situations? Because of your context!  

So, does this mean that we are a leader in some contexts but not all? Yes, but only when we consider postions of authority and the idea of "place". Furthermore, I would argue that we have the capacity to be leaders, regardless of the situation. The reality is that leadership can supersede levels of positions and the common phenomenon of “place”. This goes back to understanding that we are responsible for our actions, because our actions influence others, and effective leaders are aware of the influence they have. Which means that you can lead others without being their "boss" becuase we know that our actions can translate into influence, which will indirectly or directly lead others. 

Going back to the example of a high school agriscience educator. They may not be the Superintendent’s “boss” but that teacher can influence the Superintendent to support purchasing a new greenhouse. Would you agree that the teacher in a way, led the Superintendent by influencing them in a certain direction? And this influence, I would argue, is best achieved by being critical and authentic about yourself, and the character that you can play, depending on the context.  

So, to wrap things up, I want to review a few main points: 

  • You have influence, even without a leadership position 

  • Your influence is strengthened by understanding the context of the character you play 

  • The character we play will change depending on our context 

  • The best character to play is "YOU"

 

Questions for reflection: 

What character(s) do you currently play in the organizations and communities that you are a part of?  

Is that the character you want to play?  

Why may some people be more likely to play the role of a positional leader than others? 

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Adaptive and Authentic Leadership: How do we improve ourselves without changing who we are?

Articulate Your Values and Missions

Through the AgOne Leadership program, I have recognized the importance of articulating your values and mission. Simply put, I think it is important for leaders to identify what is actually important in their lives (values), and how those things influence their actions (missions). This is relevant to our conversation on “To Thine Own Self Be True” because our values are, and should be, the reason for the “why, who, what, where, when, and how” as it relates to what we hope to accomplish. An effective leader is aware of how being critical of our intended actions produces relevance, and that relevance influences the motivation for ourselves, and those we serve.

Be Honest with Yourself and Others (Self-Awareness)

As leaders, we should be fervently comparing our actions to our values. For example, if I value “fighting hunger”, am I upholding that value if I don’t share food with my neighbors in need? Obviously, this question is not a simple one to answer, but I must be willing to “check myself” in order to be true to "thine own self". Furthermore, we know that effective leaders and organizations stay true to their values, and their actions should be proof of that. I’ve personally found that folks may initially disagree with your decisions but will eventually offer their respect if your actions are consistently upholding your values and the mission(s) of the group.

Be Open to Feedback - Even If You Don’t Utilize It

Lastly, effective leaders should be aware of what they do well and what they must improve upon. This can come from self-evaluation and/or the evaluation of others. We, as leaders, must be willing to give others, especially those we serve, an opportunity to share their input on how we can improve. Nevertheless, I want to stress that we don’t have to take all feedback. Effective leaders must discern among many factors to determine if said feedback is truly imperative to accomplish a value-driven mission.

 

My Final Thoughts

Staying true to ourselves doesn’t imply that we shouldn’t change. In fact, it implies that we must change but only if that change will enhance our value-driven missions. That change is what I consider to be authentic improvement.

A Few Take-Aways:

· Articulate your values and create your missions with them in mind.

· Compare your decisions and actions to those values and missions.

· Demonstrate a willingness to take feedback, even if you don’t utilize it.

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The Game of Dialogue and How it Is Won

Why Are We in This Dialogue?

Not that there is a step-by-step approach on how to conduct every dialogue, but if there was, I believe it would start with asking yourself, “Why are we in this dialogue?”. It may seem strange to say it in such a way, but if nothing else, let us be sure to give critical thought to our intentions, and determine if they support our personal set of values. If our actions support our personal set of values, then we can begin to reasonably consider the intentions of others.

In the business context, it would only be rational for us to ask competing and cooperative forces to communicate their intentions, even if that intention is apparently in opposition of our own. Furthermore, and again, in a business and “real-world” context, we must understand what is truly at stake before choosing to identify others or parties as opposing factors.

Are You Willing to Treat Opposition as Your Friend?

We must know that dialogue can and will foster conflict; and that’s sort of the point if we desire community progress. Would we imagine that Thomas Edison invented the light bulb only on positions that were apparently supporting his own? I do not.

What I’m trying to communicate is that our dialogue and resulting conflicts, may perhaps be the key to our success. In my experience, while listening to apparently opposing points, I recognize that such points are not opposing, but rather in compliment to mine. Furthermore, considering other viewpoints allows us to consider if perhaps we were wrong, which in my opinion, isn’t always a big deal (Until it is, right?).

Thankfully, I have been wrong many times in my life; and many of those times, a seemingly oppositional viewpoint from people that I trust has helped me develop a stronger foundation of what truth really is.

Equity-Based Compromise is the Win (For Stability’s Sake)

My belief is that commonly accepted truth is best found when we are critical of our position within society, and how our actions influence others. Truths can be discovered through dialogue which has the intention of what I call equity-based compromise. These shared truths are the key to stability among opposing factions.

Equity-Based Compromise is a phenomenon in which everyone receives their maximum utility by considering both justice and equality; thus, allowing both parties to demonstrate authentic fairness, or equity, driven by an inherently altruistic sense of utility. By this I mean that fairness is what gives leaders satisfaction! However, I must include that this disputes a world view rejecting the fact that we are interconnected, which I believe all people are. Even though we do not rely on each other, we do influence one another. When we choose equity (authentic fairness) in dialogues, we are creating a world where everyone experiences stability that is provided through cooperation. Of course, some people will exclaim that selfishness and competition is how the natural world works, and I agree. But my truth is that we can work together for a common good, that through dialogue, will be discovered.

 

A Final Reflection for Conflict Resolution and Dialogue

  • We should consider our motives and intentions
  • We should rejoice in an apparently opposing view for the sake of progress
  • We should continue to consider how our actions influences others
  • We can work together to be agents of stability

 

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By: Beth Flynn, Wednesday, January 04th, 2023

Happy New Year!  Take a few moments to reflect on the questions posed below.  You have the opportunity to change your life and the impact you have on others.  

  1. “Am I content with my life right now?
  2. Am I happy with the direction I am going?
  3. Do I belong to a meaningful organization?
  4. Am I contributing in a positive way to society?
  5. Am I in meaningful relationships?
  6. Do I contribute to my relationships in a positive way and for the betterment of others?
  7. Have I been successful with my life so far?
  8. Do I have a sense of purpose?
  9. Do I look forward to the future?
  10. Do I feel ashamed in any of the areas listed in the above questions?
  11. Can I be completely open and honest with those around me?
  12. Am I vulnerable and transparent in my closest relationships?
  13. Am I presenting a false self to others?
  14. Do I feel the tendency to wear masks around others?
  15. Are there things I hide from others?
  16. Am I afraid of something in my life coming out into the open?
  17. Are there things in my life I am choosing not to deal with?
  18. Are there things in my life I need to change or get rid of?
  19. Do I feel the need to impress others?
  20. Do I worry about or am I overly concerned with what people think about me (p. 136-137).”

From: Causey, C. (2021). Candor: the secret to succeeding at tough conversations. (e-book edition). Chicago: Northfield Publishing.

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Let's start by defining the term. Dialogue: A discussion between representatives of parties to a conflict that is aimed at resolution” [1]

Maybe we disagree about dinner, how to tie our shoes, or whether the sky is even blue! Regardless of the strife, my mother always remedied any difficult situation among my siblings by urging us to simply “work it out”.

Work it out? How would we do that? With a good ol’ fashioned dialogue!

The discipline of dialogue, as with most behaviors, requires continual practice for improvement. Just like working out at the gym, running, or even stacking hay bales, it gets easier the more you try doing it.

Here a few strategies that I have not yet mastered but have found helpful when engaging in crucial or difficult conversations related to conflict resolution.

Breathe

Think of the last time you were mad at somebody. So mad that your heart began to race, your ears went red, and your thoughts became crowded with assumptions about the other person. We’re often reluctant to listen to the age-old wisdom of calming the brain with focused breathing, but research shows that even just a few deep breaths can reduce blood pressure, heart rate, and anxiety [2] while increasing your concentration and ability to have a respectful conversation.

Use “I Statements”

A component of respectful conversation is using “I” statements which acknowledge how we are feeling when speaking with someone else; Even if we are talking about how the other person’s actions or behaviors have affected us. An example of this would be “I don’t feel like you are seeing my perspective” as opposed to “you aren’t seeing my perspective”. When using “I” statements, we refrain from making accusations and harness our self-control to confront conflict in a way that is beneficial for everyone involved.

These are simply two strategies that I’ve garnered throughout the years, and like I said, I’m still working on it! An effective leader knows that we always will be. Stay tuned for more conflict resolution dialogue practices!

References:

[1] Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Definition of dialogue. Retrieved December 13, 2022, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/dialogue

[2] Magnon, V., Dutheil, F., & Vallet, G. T. (2021). Benefits from one session of deep and slow breathing on vagal tone and anxiety in young and older adults. Scientific Reports, 11(1), 19267. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-021-98736-9

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The First Steps

So, you’re in a conflict? Is that okay? YES! Because conflict is the precursor of resolution.

There are multiple denotations of “conflict” and “resolution” but for context, I am speaking of one of the Merriam-Webster’s [1][2] definitions provided for conflict and resolution which is that conflict is a “mental struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing needs, drives, wishes, or external or internal demands” and resolution is “to deal with successfully : clear up.”

When seeking resolution, we must have the emotional intelligence to recognize when a conflict arises, and that conflict can lead to negative outcomes which you may or may not have control over.

We control:

  • Our actions
  • Our words
  • Our attitude
  • Our reactions
  • Our volume
  • Our emotions

We do not control:

  • Their actions
  • Their words
  • Their attitude
  • Their reactions
  • Their volume
  • Their emotions

One thing I am learning, is that there is a time and place for finding resolution, and furthermore, we can reduce the number of negative consequences coming from conflict if we evaluate the situation to objectively address the significance of your conflict and the relationship we have with the other person.

That leads to another lesson I’ve learned, and I don’t want to seem contradictive, but sometimes the best resolution to a conflict is letting go of the issue and your pride because at the end of the day, some things just aren’t worth arguing over. Well, that is unless the other people disagree and believes it is worth arguing over. Messy stuff right! 

Source: LinkedInAs shown in the diagram provided by LinkedIn, compromise is the heart of resolution. Compromise being “to come to agreement by mutual concession”. [3] Furthermore, the figure shows that resolution occurs when you ask yourself, “How important is this problem and how much consideration am I giving the other person?” which is required for a successful dialogue between two conflicting parties.

A few of my personal takeaways from this discussion:

  • Recognize when conflict arises
  • Identify how you are responsible for controlling your behavior
  • Before engaging in dialogue ask yourself, “Is this worth it?”

References

Image Source: LinkedIn

[1]  Definition of conflict. (n.d.). Retrieved December 1, 2022, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/conflict

[2] Definition of resolution. (n.d.). Retrieved December 1, 2022, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/resolutio

[3] Definition of compromise. (n.d.). Retrieved December 1, 2022, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/compromise

 

 

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Effective mentors are not passive relationship builders, but rather make mentee relationship building an explicit priority. Our best mentors are servant leaders in the way that performance, or occupational objectives, are second to building a legitimate connection with the mentee. [1] A mentor of mine, Minister Aaron from the South Side of Columbus, builds a relationship with me as we spend an equivalent amount of time talking about my personal and career interests. Min. Aaron is a high efficacy example of a mentor because in addition to showing his authentic leadership, he now has pivotal information that can be used when giving future career directions. Think about how our friends can take the role of a mentor when we ask for advice on a topic of common interest. Friends are more equipped to give well-rounded advice because they are aware of our well-rounded self and it’s because of an existing relationship. The same goes for our mentors. Even if the mentor and mentee are not “close friends”, mentee growth is maximized when a mentor makes a legitimate effort to build a relationship with the mentee in question. [2] 

Effective mentors typically have a higher sense of emotional intelligence and are looking to serve the needs of the mentee before their own. [3][4] Moreover, mentors should have a greater focus on the well-being of the mentee. Not just in the sense of well-being in career, but also psychological and physical well-being. Anyone with a greater sense of emotional intelligence will know that individuals such as mentees will not see progress if they are simply “unwell”. A mentor can improve mentee well-being by building a healthy relationship and including comfortable personal subjects and questions into the regularly scheduled dialogue. [1] In fact, this should be a priority, as an increased sense of well-being is an outcome for both mentee and mentor. [5] 

The point: build a relationship with mentees and find mentors to build a relationship with.  

References 

[1] Firzly, N., Chamandy, M., Pelletier, L., & Lagacé, M. (2021). An examination of mentors’ interpersonal behaviors and mentees’ motivation, turnover intentions, engagement, and well-being. Journal of Career Development, 089484532110392. https://doi.org/10.1177/08948453211039286 

[2]Younginer, S. T., & Elledge, L. C. (2021). Mentor personality and attachment as correlates of youth mentoring relationship quality within a school‐based mentoring intervention: The moderating role of negative interactions. Journal of Community Psychology, 49(7), 2569–2589. https://doi.org/10.1002/jcop.22654 

[3] Jenkins, S. (2013). David Clutterbuck, mentoring and coaching. International Journal of Sports Science & Coaching, 8(1), 139–153 

[4] David Clutterbuck. (2005). Establishing And Maintaining Mentoring Relationships: An Overview Of Mentor And Mentee Competencies. SA Journal of Human Resource Management, 3(3). https://doi-org.proxy.lib.ohio-state.edu/10.4102/sajhrm.v3i3.70 

[5] Elce, Y. (2021). The mentor-mentee relationship, addressing challenges in veterinary medicine together. Veterinary Clinics of North America: Small Animal Practice, 51(5), 1099–1109. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cvsm.2021.04.023 

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Simply put, mentorship occurs when someone of greater experience intentionally provides direction to a less experienced member of their profession or vocation. A mentor should not be mistaken for a coach as mentorship typically involves a relationship focusing on maximizing mentee career potential overall, wheras coaching focuses on a particular talent or skill. Moreover, the mentor-mentee relationship is typically long-term consisting of a series of dialogues, not just two to three brief interactions.

The duration of a mentoring relationship and the frequency of meetings is ultimately decided by participants involved but it is recommended that mentors and mentees meet no less than once a quarter and no more than three times a month [1]. David Clutterbuck, a prolific writer and researcher of mentorship divides the mentor relationship into five stages, which he has developed as a result of his longitudinal studies on mentorship. These stages being rapport building, direction setting, progress making, maturation and moving on [2]. Understanding these stages maximizes the benefit that both members receive through the partnership and should be explored as you pursue your own mentoring relationships. For example, if you are aware of the first stages being rapport building and direction setting, perhaps having an introductory meeting where you can discuss personal matters and goals with the mentee would be most beneficial. Additionally, knowing the current stage of a mentor relationship gives participants insight regarding how to further develop the relationship, or readjust to meet new goals.

 Clutterbuck also includes that it is the mentor’s responsibility to manage this relationship. In fact, Clutterbuck shares the acronym MENTOR in his first edition of “Everyone Needs a Mentor” to describe the responsibilities of a mentor. M is for managing the relationship. E is for encouraging the mentee. N is for nurturing an open environment for growth. T is for teaching the mentee. O is for offering mutual respect and R is for responding to mentee needs [3]. Simply put, this acronym is a job description for us and the mentors we pursue.

A preliminary investigation should show that mentors are servant leaders looking to develop a mentee via meaningful relationships and career experiences.

“Mentoring is a brain to pick, an ear to listen, and a push in the right direction” – John Crosby

References

[1] Williams, Z. M. ( 1 ), & Grant, A. ( 2 ). (2012). Be a good mentor. Education for Primary Care, 23(1), 56-58–58. https://doi-org.proxy.lib.ohio-state.edu/10.1080/14739879.2012.11494070

[2] Jenkins, S. (2013). David Clutterbuck, mentoring and coaching. International Journal of Sports Science & Coaching, 8(1), 139–153

[3] David Clutterbuck. (2005). Establishing And Maintaining Mentoring Relationships: An Overview Of Mentor And Mentee Competencies. SA Journal of Human Resource Management, 3(3). https://doi-org.proxy.lib.ohio-state.edu/10.4102/sajhrm.v3i3.70

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